I credit my son with saving my life. He has done and will continue to do so. I remember a conversation with my sister weeks after the in vitro procedure that resulted in my perfect little man. I remember saying to her that when you are a single person with no children, you are naturally very self-centered because there is no one to think of and make decisions for except yourself. It is not snobbery or selfishness because it is not usually intentional. It is just the natural way of progression when your life consists of one person. I am also not calling this a character flaw. It is what it is.
The conversation with my sister was this, "I am tired of having only myself to care for and to love." And then... Aiden was born. And he saved my life... in more ways than one.
Suddenly, looking at this little perfect pouty-lipped face in the hospital bed, I spent the 3 hospital days thinking of what I wanted for this child and how we were going to get there together. I did some real soul-searching that first night (okay, maybe the second night... the first night I think I just crashed hard after 36 hours of hard labor) and found that there were holes in my life that needed to be repaired, cut out or filled.
In the last 20 months, I have gained an even stronger connection with God, I have changed my language (no longer like a sailor...), eating habits, exercise routine, work schedule, and schooling. I havegladly given up the high-powered career that I once fought 70 hours a week for. I have given up cheese and butter. I have become friends with Mr. Treadmill (although I still classify him as a villain). I have prayed more than in the rest of my years of life combined.
What I am will be a direct reflection of what my son will be - or at least what he will consider to be normal. I hope that by the time my son can look back on his childhood, he will say that his mother had fun, patience, healthy habits, and a strong spirituality.
A good friend of mine said, "Your son has taken the hard edges and softened them. Relaxed the stress lines in your personality." What a beautiful compliment for my son.
And that is why I have done what I have done. I am doing it to say thank you to the son who saved me.
